2 people made lists of their Top Reasons Why Truest Winners Suxx. The following list is compiled based on their entries, and is ordered according to our exclusive ranking formulae.
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  2. telephone: RING!
  3. Deniro: Are you talking to me?
  4. Knells continues to apply a double standard, dishing out fives to Olsen and Danny, while i languish at his hands
  5. nobody ever checks it or adds new lists
  6. I am persecuted by the root user, Knells
  7. i want attention
  8. Olsen was a bitch and rated my lists 1's for no reason
  9. look at me!
  10. I'm not allowed to make 'unfunny' lists, but Erika can without consequence
  11. come on guys, look at me! i'm doing stuff!
  12. It's all just dumb/random humor. Look at me! I'm at the museum of flight. weeeeeee!
  13. so anyway, since nobody ever looks at this shitty website, i have nobody to give me the attention i so richly deserve
  14. It's just not as cool as Fantasy Pop Tour
  15. also, i got dunked on 4-5 weeks ago
  16. Shootin and zoomin
  17. and i never get any sex
  18. waaaahhhhhhh....sniffle
  19. no... i'm not going to cry. not right now.
  20. -sobs violently-
  21. waaaaahhhhhh...sniff, sniff..
  22. -tears-
  23. -regains composure-
  24. i just feel like nobody loves me
  25. but you guys love me, right?
  26. right?
  27. guys?
  28. -tear rolls down cheek-
  29. i knew it.... shit.
  30. i'm going to go see my counselor
  31. -goes to counselor-
  32. Counselor: So you're back.
  33. Danny: Yes. I thought i was OK but i'm not.
  34. Counselor: what's up?
  35. Danny: I don't know, counselor. I really don't. It just seems like every time things are going well, they just...i don't know
  36. Counselor: What happened?
  37. Danny: -shrugs- Nothing HAPPENED. I mean, I just feel awful. I don't know what the fuck i'm doing here.
  38. Counselor: -furrows brow- you're here because i can help you work through your feelings. i can only do that if you talk to me
  39. Danny: No, that's not what i mean. I don't know what the fuck i'm doing HERE. - moves hands in a circular motion-
  40. Counselor: i'm not sure i get your meaning
  41. Danny: Like, on the planet. I don't know what i'm doing here. It's like, i'm an alien or something
  42. Counselor: tell me about this feeling
  43. Danny: everywhere i go i feel like i don't belong.
  44. Counselor: explore that feeling.
  45. Danny: -looks askance at counselor- it's like i never know what the fuck to do with my life
  46. Counselor: yes, go on. this feeling could be important
  47. Danny: look, would you cut the new age psychoanalytic hippie bullshit and LISTEN to me? for christ's sake
  48. Counselor: -withdraws- ...excuse me?
  49. Danny: nevermind, sorry. Maybe i shouldn't be here.
  50. Counselor: no, let's work through this
  51. Danny: -takes a deep breath- ok, let's try again.
  52. Counselor: so what is the problem?
  53. Danny: i feel really alone and confused
  54. Counselor: how long have you felt this way?
  55. Danny: All my life, i guess. but sometimes the loneliness seems more pervasive and suffocating than at other times
  56. Counselor: and right now it is pervasive and suffocating?
  57. Danny: yeah, right now it is. certain things trigger it.
  58. Counselor: like what?
  59. Danny: i don't know, just certain things
  60. Counselor: well what triggered it this time?
  61. Danny: -takes a deep breath- well, there's this web site.
  62. Counselor: -picks up a glass of water, takes a drink-
  63. Danny: it's called truestwinners.com. i just...
  64. Counselor: tell me about that feeling
  65. Danny: you're not even listening to me
  66. Counselor: I am too!
  67. Danny: No you aren't. what did i just say?
  68. Counselor: -furrows his brow- you were talking about your feelings
  69. Danny: no i wasn't.
  70. Counselor: well, maybe you should have been.
  71. Danny: you son of a bitch. i can't believe i pay you for this shit
  72. Counselor: -shrugs-
  73. Danny: -sits up- my life is such a mess.
  74. Counselor: -watches-
  75. Danny: Why? I'm so stupid...
  76. -suddenly eveything is in black and white, counselor disappears, Danny is in a prison cell-
  77. Danny: Why? (yelling)
  78. Danny's outcries echo off the prison walls
  79. Danny: Why?
  80. Danny approaches prison wall, makes his hands into fists
  81. Danny: Why? -punches wall-
  82. Danny: Why? - punches wall-
  83. Danny: Why? Why? Why? Why? -punching wall with full force-
  84. Danny: WHY? WHY? WHY?
  85. Danny finally loses stamina, and falls back on the floor, sobbing
  86. the only sound is Danny sobbing
  87. suddenly a telephone rings
  88. Danny looks up in surprise, his eyes red and his face tear-stained
  89. Danny slowly stands up, looks around for the telephone.
  90. Danny spots the telephone, reaches for it and picks it up.
  91. Danny: Hello?
  92. voice on the other end of the line: Hello Danny
  93. Danny: Who is this?
  94. Voice: It's Martin Scorcese
  95. Danny: Martin Scorcese? why are you calling me?
  96. Martin Scorcese: oh, as if you don't know.
  97. Danny: -confused- I'm sorry Martin, I really don't.
  98. Martin Scorcese: Come on, at least have the guts to own up it, you plagarizing bastard.
  99. Danny: I don't know what you're talking about
  100. Martin Scorcese: I bet you don't, son, I bet you don't.
  101. momentary silence. the drip of water can be heard in the dark prison cell
  102. Martin Scorcese: perhaps my friend Robert DeNiro can bring you back to your senses.
  103. Danny: huh?
  104. Martin Scorcese hands the phone to Robert Deniro
  105. Deniro: hey i'm not gonna let some punk kid push us around. spill the beans, jerk.
  106. Danny: I really don't know what you're talking about.
  107. Deniro: Oh you're gonna play the fool? You gonna make me beat it out of you?
  108. Danny: No! I'm sorry, i don't mean to be difficult, i just don't know what it is you want to know
  109. Deniro: -leans over to Scorcese and whispers- maybe he really doesn't know
  110. Martin Scorcese: give me the phone, you ape.
  111. Martin Scorcese: shut up, just give me the phone.
  112. Deniro: Are you talking to me? There's nobody else here, i don't see who else you could be talking to.
  113. Scorcese: Give me the phone.
  114. Scorcese: -takes the phone- All right kid.
  115. Danny: i'm sorry. what did i do?
  116. Scorcese: you totally stole that prison scene from Raging Bull.
  117. Danny: Prison Scene?
  118. Scorcese: oh for christ's sake. The one where you punched the walls and yelled 'WHY?'
  119. Danny: oh yeah
  120. Scorcese: well you totally stole that from Raging Bull.
  121. Danny: Oh, sorry.
  122. Scorcese: That's it? 'Oh, sorry?'
  123. Danny: well, what do you want me to do?
  124. Scorcese: shut up.
  125. Danny: what? i'm sorry
  126. Scorcese: just shut up.
  127. Scorcese hangs up the phone and turns to Deniro
  128. Scorcese: What a jackass.
  129. Deniro: no kidding.
  130. -back in the prison cell-
  131. Danny: Whatever.